My Final Goodbye || Perspective
The thing about goodbye’s is that you never really know it’s the last time until you look back and see that your life is about to change.
For me, change has always been something I’ve been afraid of. Change for the good, the bad, the better. I have always been afraid to take a leap of faith, leave the life that has always surrounded me. The idea of being alone was something I was never ready to face. I’ve always loved feeling safe, knowing what surrounds me, the people, the city…
And now, that’s all about to change.
These past few months have been really hectic, hence the lack of blog posts. I was learning how to survive my last year of high school, make friends… make memories. It was all so consuming. And I guess through the chaos of it all, I found the courage to take that leap of faith I was so scared to do. Because in just 9 days I will be taking one of the biggest risks I have ever chosen to do.
In just 9 days I leave for a brand new life. I am leaving to move across the country to Savannah, Georgia. I’m going to work harder than ever, form new memories I’ll cherish forever, and discover more about my love for myself and my faith even more. I also will be challenged more and probably the most afraid I have ever been. For any of you who know me, you know I am not one to take risks. I hate trying new things and love to stick to what I know.
The truth of the matter is, I really don’t want to leave. Saying goodbye to my friends, my family, this life I have made here… I don’t want to say goodbye. Thinking of saying goodbye only hurts my heart more. And even though I can think of a million reasons to stay, there is something in my heart that is telling me that I have to go. And I know, this next step is exactly what I need. So as hard as it is to say goodbye, I must go.
But before I do, here are my 9 goodbyes, perhaps my farewells or wishes to my life, my friends, my family, and even to you.
**there long, so if you want to just read yours or all of them it doesn’t matter to me. I honestly recommend it, this is SOOOO LONG. I wouldn’t read every single one of them haha. And honestly, I won’t even know the difference.**
1. To my Dearest High School Friends,
Thank you. Thank you for teaching me how to have fun, how to fight for myself, and how to give unconditionally with expecting nothing in return. I hated high school. That’s a fact and you can ask anyone that knows me, I dreaded walking into that school every single day, but towards the end, I couldn’t help to realize that I looked forward to seeing all of you laugh and study in front of the library. You made my last year of high school worth remembering and even though, as sad as it is to say, I will not be staying in touch with all of you, know that I will forever cherish each and every one of you in my heart. And for those of you that made high school hell, thank you too. It is because of you that I realized who I really care for and those who are worth remembering and fighting for. I wish you all the best, even though you do not need it. You guys are some of the most successful and driven people I have ever met and I know you guys are going to do such amazing things in your life.
2. To my Mean Girls,
I know this past year we really grew apart and a lot of that is on me. I wanted to apologize first for growing apart and pushing you guys away, without any warning or any real reasons. I am truly sorry. But just know, your importance to me and your importance in my life never altered. Because the truth is, you guys helped me become the woman that I am today. Proud, strong, mean (in a good way), beautiful. You guys helped me realize what it means to be proud of who I am and how much I am worth. I needed the time away to realize that. I wish nothing but the best for you guys. The things that you have yet to face are going to be hard, but I know that we can get through anything with each other by our sides. Keep fighting and growing and remember, you guys are so beautiful inside and out. Do not let anyone lessen your self-worth because you are most definitely worth it. I am going to miss you guys so much. I love you and I hope to see you guys soon.
3. To the one who knows all the RULES,
I tried to be vague for you, hopefully it worked. Whether you read this or not, this is my goodbye to you. It’s been a while and as I move onto this next chapter of my life, I felt as those it was important to close this one as I move on. You hurt me in more ways than one and as crazy as it sounds, I want to thank you for every single one of them, because without you I would not be who I am today. I’m not giving you all the credit because I worked hard to make me who I am, but without the push from you, I wouldn’t have strived so hard to prove everyone wrong about me. So thank you. I thank you for teaching me how to love, but more importantly how to love myself before I choose to love others. I wish nothing, but the best for you. I hope these next coming years treat you so well. I hope you find love and find someone that loves you more and better than I ever could. I don’t listen to rumours about you, by the way. I trust that you know what’s best for you. I’ve been working on me, and I hope you’re doing the same. Goodbye, I miss you and I am always praying for you.
4.To those who helped shaped my faith,
You guys are my rock. You guys planted in me a seed that I will forever be thankful for. You helped start my faith and helped me be the woman of God I am today. I may not be as active in certain communities as I used to be and you may not see me around as much. But just know, that at this point of my life I have never felt more in touch with God and my relationship with Him. And that all started because of you. As I grow and move on to this new chapter of my life I know that my faith will be tested now more than ever, but with all of you by my side, pushing me and running this race with me, I know that my goal for Heaven won’t be as hard because I have all of you to support me. I will constantly keep you guys in my heart and in my prayers. I love you all and may your guys’ service to the Lord forever be fruitful.
5. To Gav and Keanz,
You guys aren’t just my friends. You guys are my family. You were there for me when I felt alone, in my darkest moments and in my greatest moments. You guys were there through it all. You helped me when I felt so small and made me believe in myself when I felt like no one else was. You remind me of how much I am worth and believe in me more than anyone else in this world. You guys do not judge, you do not see me as the baby of the group, but you see me for who I really am, even when I can’t see it myself. Saying goodbye to you two will probably be some of the hardest goodbyes I am going to have to face, but I also know that you guys will not let our friendship fall even if I am over 2,000 miles away.
To Keana, I just wanted to say thank you for being that second older sister I have always wanted. And for telling me all the things that I was never ready to hear, but you knew I needed to hear them. Get ready for a lot of calls and random rants/ stories that you will more than likely have to wait for. I have two wishes for you, Keana. My first wish to you is probably the same wish you have for me. Don’t forget to fight for yourself and to not be afraid to let go of the people who aren’t worth having around. But my other wish for you, is to overcome the fear of change. Just like me, I know you find change scary, but someone once told me that “there is nothing wrong with change because change helps you become the person you are supposed to be.” I guess I love you.
To Gav, no words can describe how thankful I am to be your Zoey. Haha okay, but seriously. Thank you for everything. You continuously bring a refreshing new perspective into my life and help me see things in a way that help me to keep going. Thank you for all the times that I have called you crying for both good and stupid reasons. Honestly, if it wasn’t for you telling me that I could do this, I might not be leaving for Georgia in 9 days. So shout out to you. My wish for you is that as you continue growing up and following God’s plan that you allow more people in to see that beautiful and kind heart of yours. You’re an amazing person, so don’t be afraid to let people see how awesome you are. Letting people in and love them can be scary, but sometimes it’s really really worth it. Ily times a billy. I am going to miss you.
6. To Anna & Char:
I’ve said goodbye to both of you more than once, but each time it gets harder and harder because the more I say goodbye, the more real it appears to be that we are all going our separate ways. You guys are my soul sisters and I love you more than you will ever know. We’ve literally been through it all together. Good, bad, crazy, every moment we have ever shared has been so worth it. I don’t even worry about us not being friends because I know that there is no way that could ever be possible. It’s been what? Two, maybe five days and we all have continued to stay in touch. And I know that it will not change after I leave. I have two wishes to you both, my first one is to learn to love yourselves before you learn to love others. It is so important to know how much you’re heart is worth it before you give it away. My other wish for you guys is to not let the struggles of life tear you down. People will have their doubts, people will hurt you, but just remember that there are people who love you and who believe in you more than anything.
7. To the skeptics, the people who hurt me, the doubters,
You guys are the main reason why I am leaving. I am taking this new journey to prove all of you wrong. I know I can do this. I am so sure of it. What I am getting ready to study and to do with my life, I am going to change the world and help bring happiness and entertainment in a brand new way. You can doubt me all you want, think I won’t take this next step seriously, believe what you want. But all my success that is yet to come, isn’t just going to be to show you that you were wrong all along, but it’s for me. And it’s for all the people that have always believed in me. So I can’t wait for you guys. I can’t wait to see all of you guys regret tearing me down. I wish the best to all of you.
8. To Baby V,
I love you. Saying goodbye to you will be my hardest goodbye ever. It breaks my heart to know how far we will be and I wish every day that you could come with me, but I know that this is something I am going to have to face alone. And even though you will be so far away, I know you will be right by my side. This past year has been very hard for the both of us, but just know that even though I may seem so far away, I am facing every difficulty and every joyous memory right there with you. Know that Chris and I will always be watching over you. And I know if he was here, he would tell us both that. Do not let anyone let you feel less than what you are and don’t let the struggles that we face as a family keep you from doing what is best for you. I know it’s going to be scary being here while I am away, but just know that I will always be here to help you fight every battle. You are so strong, don’t forget that. My wish for you is that you learn how to trust yourself. You know what’s best for you and with the faith that you have, don’t second guess yourself. Life is scary and sometimes you have to take that leap of faith and trust that you know what is best for you. “Don’t let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.” You got this. I love you so much and am missing you forever.
9. To YOU,
To whoever may be be reading this, whether I talk to you every day or not at all. This one is for you. I thank you for keeping tabs on me, reading this stupidly long blog post, and for caring about me and what is coming up next in my life. I know that life is filled with twists and turns and what you may think is the next step in your life is really not. This past year I learned that you can plan out your whole life thinking it’s going to go a certain way. You can make plans, decisions, lists, and you can try to follow each and every single one of them. But more than half of the time, life will turn everything upside down. But whatever life chooses to throw at you, that honestly doesn’t matter. What matters is what YOU choose to do with your life. You can choose to let it tear you down and break you, or you can choose to fight back and make all the struggles in your life… beautiful. Life is like art. It can be as simple as lines on a canvas, which is boring and lacks depth, or it can be complicated filled with bursts of color and rage, and that makes it so much more unique and wonderful. You choose. Do you want to make your life worth something or just let it fade away into nothingness?
My wish to all of you is to look at life knowing that you only get one chance to live. So live. And love. With all your heart.
I love you all, and this is only the beginning.