Moving On and Getting Over || Perspective

Throughout my last relationship I constantly received statements like “It was too soon”, “You guys got together so fast”, “You guys just broke up”, “You guys really did love each other”, “You deserve better”. But how do you know? How do you know when it’s too soon? How do you know when you’re ready to move on? How do you know if my feelings are legit? When is the right time the right time?

People talk about love as though there is a specific timestamp for when your feelings can be the correct feelings. But how can time tell you when your feelings are legitimate? I feel like society has put this stigma in everyone’s mind that there is a perfect amount of time to feel the way that you feel and if your feelings do not follow this exact guideline then what is in your heart is not as real or as serious as they should be. I have talked before about how love is complicated and it varies between each idea, thought, and person that it encounters; yet in society people still choose to judge others and themselves on the way that they feel about absolutely everything.

So how do you know? How do you know when your love is legitimate? How do you know when it’s ready to move on and get over all the things that have hurt you in the past? How do you know when it’s worth fighting for something? How do you know?

I think the biggest thing for me is that I have come to realize that no one, but myself truly understands how I feel. My pain, my pleasure, my perception on all the things that I have been through are all my own. That’s why I say “my” in front of each and every single one of those statements. No one, but me truly understands my heart. So who can tell me how what I am feeling means too much or too little. People have no right to tell me that it is too soon or it’s taking me too long to get over feeling the way that I feel or once felt. It’s my heart. It’s my life. Let me feel the way that I feel.

I live my life with an open, yet extremely guarded heart. I say this because of all the times that I have been hurt, yet still find a way to let more and more people in. I used to describe myself as someone who fell easy and fell hard, but as time goes by I see now that the way I choose to feel towards others and situations that have been placed in my life are extremely different than what I once thought. I do love hard, but not as easy as others may perceive.

Towards the end of 2017 I fell in love. I fell in love hard. I fell in a way that I did not even realize I could. I fell deeply and ended up getting hurt as hard as I chose to love. This love showed me that my heart has a capacity to love beyond even my own understanding and beyond anything that I could ever imagine for myself. It was astonishing and it caught me by surprise. And for most people that know about my life and this past love that I had would be completely shocked to hear me say these things. Why? Because the stigma and idea of the timestamp that society has placed on relationships. Four months of being with someone isn’t a long time, I know that. But that does not mean that my feelings were any less real than a relationship that has lasted a lifetime.

I can only speak for myself, but to me this is the way that I feel. And some people may say that it’s dumb and stupid or that I shouldn’t have cared as much as I did or maybe even still do. But that’s the thing, who is anyone to tell me whether my feelings are justifiable. So I care? So I choose to give an endless amount of chances to those who continuously hurt me? So I choose to try for someone that doesn’t deserve it? So what? It’s one thing to give up, it’s one thing to still be hooked, and it’s another to be moved on and completely over it.

For me, I don’t have a timestamp. I don’t have deal breakers or a type. I don’t choose who I love. And these past few weeks I have learned that I don’t even choose who I care for. I got hurt and was treated in a way I know I don’t deserve, yet I still choose to go beyond what I should have to. And no, it’s not because I am not over it or that I am still in love. It’s not that at all. The problem with feelings nowadays is that people assume that if you still care that you’re still hooked or if you choose to do nice things that you don’t realize what you deserve. But for me, I can’t help it. I will always go beyond and go the extra mile for the people that hurt me. I will always choose to try and fix things that should be left like shit. I will always care. And no, it’s not because I am still in love. But it’s because that is not the point of what moving on and getting over something or someone really is.

To move on and get over means to let go and to accept all the things that you’ve been through for what they are. It does not mean to hold grudges and to let the weight hold you down. Moving on and getting over means forgiveness and finding it within your heart to always do the right thing for yourself and those around you whether they have hurt you or not. Just like there is no timestamp for love, there is not a specific way to move on and get over something. Take your time. Heal and work on yourself. Forgive all the people that hurt you. Give your heart away and constantly love. And get hurt even. There is no timestamp and don’t let anyone but yourself tell you how you really feel.

-- Unseen