Abandon Myself || Perspective
I give my life entirely to You. Whatever You have planned, wherever You take me. I will lean on You to guide me. My life and everything I am is totally Yours.
As my first year of college comes to an end and I reflect over the past year and everything I have been through, let me tell you, things don’t always go as planned. I came into this first year so excited and ready to get such a head start with guns blazing. I was excited. I started getting to know who my friends were, I was taking classes I was actually interested in, I was on my own day to day schedule. I believed I had everything figured out and that everything that I ever wanted was finally falling into place. Or at least that’s what I thought.
The first couple of weeks into Winter Quarter I got super sick trying to get used to the snow and the cold ways of the South. My skin went absolutely crazy. I went to the gym a total of 4 times that whole quarter. I realized that all the friends and people I thought I could count on weren’t all they seemed. I was falling behind in school, I missed out on church a couple of times and events that I always loved to go to. I was beginning to realize that I was getting lost. I was eager. I thought that I was ready for everything that I was putting on my plate, but the more and more things that I added and chose to take on, I realized how unready I actually was.
It’s crazy how life sets you up to think that everything is on a certain path and your heading the course that you were always meant to be on, but then you’re actually on it and you see that you were completely wrong. I was getting so consumed of the lifestyle that I thought was best for me and that I thought I wanted I didn’t even realize that I was falling and straying away from all the things that are truly important. I lost who I was and the kind of person that I want to be. I was forgetting that my one and only priority is to lift my life up to God and follow His will. I was forgetting that this life isn’t all my own and I can make plans and decisions and want whatever I want, but if it isn’t in God’s plan for me than it isn’t worth it.
I’ve come so far. Since 2015, I was truly dedicated to figuring out the woman of God that I always wanted to be. I realized that the best way to live is to let Him do Him in me and to continue living and loving my life because of all the blessings I have within it. But sometimes, if you get too caught up in all the chaos you forget to realize your true purpose for what your meant for. And that’s what happened.
I got so caught up trying to be someone that I wasn’t and trying to please everyone around me that I forgot to take care of myself and to take care of the people that truly matter. I was worried of what others thought about me, my relationship, what I did or didn’t do. I was becoming consumed by other people’s opinions that I failed to remember that there’s only one opinion that actually matters. And that’s God’s.
The whole year I have been wondering if I made the right decisions. Whether it was with friends, relationships, coming to Savannah, pursuing art. And I wish I could tell you that I stayed strong throughout the course of my time here. I wish I could tell you that every week I tried my best and I worked hard. I wish I could tell you that the weight of others pushing me down didn’t get to me. And I wish I could tell you that the thought of leaving never crossed my mind. But I can’t. Being here has tested me in every single way possible. I questioned if I could do it and if I was good or strong enough.
And then it came to me… God sent me here to do what I love. I felt a calling and that calling hasn’t changed. Not in the slightest. He called me here not because it would be easy, but because it would be extremely hard. And He knew that if anyone could do it, it would be me. Going to SCAD, many people come and go. They leave, they drop out, they give up. SCAD, for being as renowned as it is, is relatively easy to get into, but what they don’t tell you and what you can only experience as a SCAD student is that here we weed out the weak. So you choose who you want to be.
The 9 months that I spent away in Savannah, Georgia taught me many things. But above all, being in Savannah and as a freshman at SCAD has taught me that if there is one thing that I must remember and recognize is that I must abandon everything I am to be who He desires me to be. I can make all the friends that I want, go to parties, enjoy my classes, do whatever I please. But the best and only way to truly live is by making sure that in everything I do it brings me one step closer to God.
I am extremely grateful that God blessed me with this life changing opportunity to study across the country. It has helped me grow to be more independent, stronger, responsible, and most of all, it helped me to realize to never take advantage and forget all of the many things that life blesses us with. It has helped me grow closer to my friends and family (both near and far). It has helped grow and shape my faith and I couldn’t be more proud of the person that I have become.
I have accomplished many things in my journey so far and I am so beyond happy to say that it has just begun. To all the people that made my first year here in Savannah a one to remember, thank you. I want to thank all of the people that pushed me to keep going, all of those that made me feel at home when I was so far from mine, and lastly, I want to thank all of the people that made this year so hard. Because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have pushed myself to find all the reasons why I love Savannah and all of the reasons why I can’t wait to come back.
Here’s to my first year of college. Here’s to all the friends I made, to all of the ones I am choosing to keep and bring with me into Sophomore year. Here’s to growing. Here’s to change.
I love you, Savannah. I’ll see you soon.
-- Unseen
